


Untitled Junseung Angst

by xmyp



Category: Beast (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-20
Updated: 2011-01-20
Packaged: 2017-12-22 05:58:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/909738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xmyp/pseuds/xmyp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s just angst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Untitled Junseung Angst

**Author's Note:**

> **Genre:** Angst, AU  
>  **Warnings:** Slight drug abuse?

For a long time the two never really knew each other, only knowing the barest details of the other’s family and their source of income. If anything, they had considered themselves rivals. During high school, if one bought a nice car, the other bought a nicer one; if one had a beautiful girlfriend, the other had two. No, they didn’t know each other, but they knew of each other, and after they were forced to get acquainted, they were inseparable, their friendship—and eventual romance—explosive.   
  
They were both cold to some extent. Hyunseung knew what he wanted, and how to get it. He’d sell his sister for a profit if their father hadn’t already married her into more money. He didn’t trust easily, but those he did trust meant more to him than life. Junhyung was a different kind of bitter, the kind that stared at you like you were stupid and when he did smile it was made to look like a cruel smirk. He had no qualms beating someone up—or telling his friends to beat someone up—and he got away with it, because people were scared of him. Hyunseung was the first to truly make him smile and laugh. And he was the first person that Hyunseung trusted more than himself.  
  
The first time they ever fought was before they graduated high school, they can’t remember why or how it started, both claiming different stories and especially different outcomes, but at the end of the day they walked away bloodied and bruised with no hard feelings. They always vented to each other, about everything. Junhyung would fly off the handle, his rage almost uncontrollable, and the older boy would let him, and would sometimes help him break things—as long as it made the younger feel better in the end.   
  
The first time they kissed was after a college party. They had stumbled into their shared apartment late that night, tripping over each other until finally landing in a heap on the floor, Junhyung falling atop the other with a grunt. Their faces were so close they could feel the other’s breath. Neither struggled to move away, neither pushed or fought, neither denied what they could clearly see reflected in the eyes of the other. It started as a soft press, both looking at each other, but at the first feel of fingers sliding through hair, their eyes closing tightly, lips pressing harder, teeth clashing and tongues tangling. It was sloppy and rough, but it was passionate and an undeniable testament to their bond.   
  
The first time they fucked it had been after Hyunseung’s father had been hospitalized. He was distraught, playing it off as angry. He snapped at everyone, his body was constantly tense and ready to strike. Junhyung had tried to comfort him, to talk to him. Hyunseung punched first, apologized later. And Junhyung, for the first time in his life, let someone hit him. He encouraged it, he told his best friend to punch him and kick him and beat him until he felt better. The older only got a few hits in before falling to his knees in despair. Junhyung brushed away his tears and Hyunseung brushed away the blood on the younger’s lips. They held each other for a time before falling to the ground, legs tangling, bodies pressing, blood pulsing. They’d never felt so alive—nor so afraid of what they were about to do. They knew if anyone ever found out about them that they’d be disowned if not killed first. So they silenced each other with the press of lips against lips. Junhyung had offered to bottom their first time, not wanting to further hurt the boy in his arms. Hyunseung shook his head softly, pleading with his eyes for the younger to take the lead, not able to find strength in himself. It hurt, more than anything he’d ever felt, but it helped him forget why he was in pain in the first place, and he clutched at the broad back above him, not wanting to ever let go of the heat, no matter how much discomfort it brought him.   
  
It didn’t take many more times for him to find pleasure in the act, both of them moaning and panting in lust and need. During those times, both forgot their typical personalities, bringing only raw emotions with them. Sometimes they only touched, finding bliss in the soft caresses and intimate kisses. Hyunseung had grown used to their sessions, both of them typically ending up in the other’s bed most days of the week. He had almost gotten to where he couldn’t go to sleep without the other near him, stroking his sides or his back; his hair or his face.   
  
It had been months since then. He knew something was different one morning when he woke up alone, his bare upper body warm from the sunlight streaming in from the large windows. He had walked through the apartment, searching for his other half, only finding a post it crumpled in the trash in the bathroom. He was used to Junhyung’s mementos, he’d leave them where he thought the older would find them, but he hadn’t seen one in days. His hands shook as he read the words, letters blurring together as he read the neat print. His back hit the tiled wall and he slid down it almost instantly.  
  
He wasn’t supposed to see this, he wasn’t supposed to see the name and number and the time they were meeting. He wasn’t supposed to see, so he acted like he hadn’t the best that he could. He didn’t know for sure why the man that he’d given himself to was meeting with the daughter of a well known businessman at the common time that someone would meet for a date, it could’ve been for any number of reasons. But they were both getting to the age where their mothers were badgering them to get married, calling matchmakers and setting dates. They had agreed to blow them all off…Or at least, that’s what Hyunseung had agreed.  
  
He laid in bed the rest of that day, his heart pounding out of his chest, his thoughts racing, his body curled into itself. He blamed himself, he thought he had been the problem, he thought he’d done something wrong. He contemplated every look that Junhyung had ever given him and compared them with the looks he gave the younger. He heard the front door open and his body stiffened. He willed himself to relax as padded footsteps grew closer to the door of the bedroom. The bed sank under the weight of his lover, he didn’t move. Junhyung sighed at the sight, thinking the other to be asleep and stood to walk to the bathroom. He noticed the ball of paper he had thrown away earlier was no longer resting in the trashcan and his heart skipped a beat.   
  
He rushed into the bedroom, and around the bed to face Hyunseung, catching as the older quickly shut his eyes. He kneeled by the bed, taking Hyunseung’s fists into his hands and prying them open. Hyunseung whimpered as his fingers finally relented, a small yellow piece of paper lying in one of his palms. Junhyung cursed himself. He tossed the paper aside, not caring where it fell, taking Hyunseung’s hands in his own and bringing them to his mouth. “I’m so sorry.”  
  
“Are you going to marry her?” Hyunseung asks, knowing full well how quickly business related marriages progress.  
  
Junhyung pressed his forehead to their hands. “I don’t know.” Hyunseung pulled his hands away at the words, twisting in the covers to face the other side of the room. “Seung-ah… please. Understand.” He touched a hand to a bare shoulder, it jerking away violently.   
  
“Don’t touch me.” The voice was strained; his body shook from unshed tears. When had he become so weak?  
  
Junhyung huffed, irritated that he couldn’t talk to the other, wishing he’d just understand. He walked out of the room, the next sound registering Hyunseung’s ears was the front door opening and closing. He curled tighter into himself and pressed his hands to his face, tears creeping out of his eyes and falling to his pillow.  
  
That night he had gathered several belongings in a bag and left the apartment. He received a text a couple days later form the younger man, asking if he’d broken his lease. He didn’t reply, turning off and putting away his phone. He had broken his lease; he’d paid the penalty already and was sending movers the next day to collect his things. He never wanted to see the place again, the place with so many memories, which, now that he thought about it, only made his chest ache.   
  
Several weeks later a small white envelope arrived in the mail. Without even opening it he threw it in the trash, knowing what it was without looking. He couldn’t show up at the wedding of his ex, if he could even call him an ex, in his current state. It wasn’t long before his mother was calling him, asking why he hadn’t responded to the invite, telling him that Junhyung’s mother had told her he had hoped Hyunseung would be in the wedding. His hands shook on the other end of the line, but he kept his voice calm as he replied that he was busy that day and to send his regards.   
  
Junhyung’s wedding night came. Hyunseung sat on the floor in the large kitchen, a large bottle of alcohol nestled beside him. He knows he’ll have trouble sleeping tonight so he staggers to the bathroom, pulling open the medicine cabinet. His hands shake as he pulls down the sleep aids. He holds the bottle, staring at it longingly, his chest constricting painfully. Closing the cabinet he looks up at his reflection, he’s pale from not going outside and there are dark circles under his bloodshot eyes. He rubs them irritably, grumbling as he walks back to the kitchen and sinks to the floor.   
  
Noting all the aches in his body he figures the kitchen floor is just as good a place to sleep as any. His vision blurs as he opens the bottle and pours what he thinks is a couple of the capsules into his palm. He swallows them whole, chasing them with his liquor. They burn his chest and he coughs, but breaths through the sting. After it subsides, he glances at the still open bottle; his head spins as he picks it up.   
  
“Numb,” He muses to himself as he thumbs the top of the bottle, not feeling the sensation of it scraping against his skin. He smiles sadly, setting the bottle down. He leans back against the cabinets, his eyes drifting in and out of focus. He’s not aware of the noises from outside, the banging on the door, the shaking hands pulling him close, the panicked voice calling out to him, but just as his eyes slide close he catches sight of someone who isn’t supposed to be there. He smiles again, lazily, thinking he was dreaming.   
  
Junhyung presses his lips against the pale pair in front of him, tears dropping onto Hyunseung as he looks down to find his phone. He calls for an ambulance, choking on sobs throughout the conversation with the woman on the other end of the line. Once he hears that responders are on the way he closes the phone quickly and tosses it aside, gathering the smaller boy in his arms, pressing his head to his chest, kissing the mop of hair over and over.   
  
“I’m so sorry,” He says, holding the still body close to him. “I’m so, so sorry. I never wanted…” He stops as a sob wracks his body. “Hyunseung-ah, please be okay.”  
  
Junhyung hadn’t prayed in years, but that night he prayed. He prayed harder and longer than he thought anyone could. I begged for any high power to save the older boy, he even asked to be taken in his place. Hours later, after Hyunseung’s stomach had been pumped and he’d been taken to the hospital for monitoring, the doctors finally delivered their news to the anxious, pacing Junhyung. They told him it had weakened the other’s heart, but not by much, and that it could’ve been much worse. Junhyung let out sigh at the news, not quite relieved but at least the other would be alright. He asked to see him and the doctor gave him a wary glance, informing him only family could see patients after hours.   
  
Junhyung nodded, his eyes welling up again. “I…I know I’m not his family, I know that we’re not related, but…He’s all I’ve got. I just want to see with my own two eyes that he’s alright.”  
  
The doctor stared at him for a moment before shaking his head. “Fine. Just this once, but when his family does come here you have to get out.”   
  
Junhyung hadn’t even told the other’s family. He hadn’t told anyone anything. He had left in such a hurry from the wedding hall earlier and hadn’t had a chance to breath since finding Hyunseung. He walked to the room that Hyunseung was occupying, heart monitors beeped, an IV hung beside him. The older boy’s eyes were closed, his face relaxed in peaceful sleep. Junhyung’s breath stalled as he stepped closer to the bed, hearing the harsh breaths the other was making. He grasped the hand nearest to him, holding it between his palms, bringing to his lips. “I hope you can forgive me.” He laid the hand down and brought a chair up to the bed, he sat down, laying his head next to Hyunseung’s thigh, his fingers brushed against the ones he had just put down.   
  
Hyunseung slept throughout the night, he awoke the next day to the sun shining brightly into his burning eyes. It took him a moment to get his bearings, but the first thing he noticed was the warm weight resting on one of his hands, Junhyung’s hair falling to the side of his face, his eyes closed in peaceful sleep. Hyunseung snatched his hand away and moved closer to the other side of the bed.   
  
Junhyung stirred at the sudden movement, his eyes sliding open before he realizes where he’s at and sits upright quickly. He stares at the boy in front of him, his eyes widening. “You’re awake…How do you feel?”  
  
Hyunseung’s tone is dead as he replies, “Where’s your wife?”  
  
Junhyung’s chest aches at the pointed words. “I don’t have one of those.”  
  
“Why are you here?”  
  
“Because…” Hyunseung remains silent, demanding a real explanation. Junhyung sighs. “When you find the person you love the most in the world slumped on the floor with a half empty bottle of sleeping pills next to an equally empty bottle of alcohol, you tend to want to make sure they’re okay.”  
  
Hyunseung hides his shock at the words behind a neutral mask. “Clearly, I’m fine.”  
  
“Why would you do that?”  
  
“Do what?” Hyunseung asks irritably.  
  
Junhyung hesitates. “Take those pills…”  
  
“Because I can’t sleep,” he snaps.  
  
“So…because you can’t sleep you wanted to commit suicide?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“I’m so sorry for whatever I did to make you feel like there was no other way out—”  
  
Hyunseung scoffs, holding up a hand. “Don’t flatter yourself. I didn’t try to kill myself.”  
  
Junhyung eyes him warily. “You’re lying.”  
  
Hyunseung sighs. “I would be lying if the thought hadn’t crossed my mind in the past two months, but…last night…or whenever that was, I was just drunk and couldn’t see how many I poured out. It felt good though…not being able to feel anything. For once.” He let out a startled gasp as strong arms suddenly enveloped him, Junhyung sitting on the edge of the bed now, holding his head to his chest.  
  
Junhyung kissed the top of his head. “I don’t know how I can make it right between us, but I don’t ever want you to hurt again. I’ve missed you more than you could know and I regret ever leaving that day or letting you leave. I’m so sorry.”  
  
Hyunseung struggled against the younger for a few seconds before realizing he wouldn’t be able to escape. Tears were falling before he had the chance to stop them and he choked on a sob. He clutched the shirt in front of him. “It hurt so much.” He weakly hit Junhyung in the stomach with his fist. “You betrayed me…I trusted you.” Junhyung rubbed his back soothingly. “How could you just leave me like that? How could you do that to me? I loved you so much.” Past tense.  
  
Junhyung rested his chin on the mop of hair below. “Do you still love me?” He didn’t try to hide the hopefulness in his voice.  
  
Hyunseung stiffened in his hold. “No.”  
  
“You’re lying again.”  
  
Hyunseung smiled against the chest that he was burrowed into. “I don’t want to love you.”  
  
“But you  _do_  still love me. And that’s all that really matters. As long as I have something to go on.”  
  
“What about you? What about your marriage?” Hyunseung’s voice was barely a whisper, not wanting to face the question anymore than the answer.  
  
Junhyung’s chest heaved. “I told them I won’t marry anyone I didn’t love. And that I already loved someone else. It was unfair to everyone.”  
  
“And…”  
  
“And I’m sure I’m being written out of my father’s will as we speak. Or if I’m not, then all he has to do is find out that I’m in love with a man and that’ll spur him on.”  
  
“You won’t regret it?”  
  
“You know… I don’t think I will. I might still have my mom on my side; she seemed almost relieved when I announced the cancellation.”  
  
Hyunseung smiled again, his hands finally reaching around Junhyung’s back. “Thank you.”  
  
Junhyung leaned back and looked down at the other’s face, quickly swooping to land a kiss on upturned lips. “I love you,” He murmured against the joining.   
  
Hyunseung pressed their mouths together again, their tongues softly brushing against each other’s. It had been too long. The older boy finally pulled back after a several long seconds, catching his breath. He pulled the other to lay down next to him and then buried his face into the crook of Junhyung’s neck, his hand splaying out across the younger’s chest. He nuzzled into the warmth in front of him, his lips pressing against soft skin. “If you ever—”  
  
Junhyung shushed him. “If I ever do anything to hurt you again, I give you full permission to murder me anyway you want. You can make it slow and painful if you want. I’ll scream the whole time if it’ll make you happy.”  
  
Hyunseung frowned at first but then grinned against the other’s skin. “I guess then… I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Bad ending is bad. Sorry. I’m ready to start something else and this wasn’t supposed to take three days to write. I hope you didn’t hate it too much.


End file.
